I have been around for a while and have seen some funny stuff. So this week: "Funny stuff you shouldn't do"
The squeaky wheel gets the grease
I see some pretty strange things sometimes, but this one ‘took the cake. I occasionally see strange things with the software, just odd stuff. I decided to pop the case one day, and there was oily gunk everywhere! I was puzzled as to where all this oil came from, so I asked the customer. He replied, ’It was squeaking, so I oiled it.’ This is the honest truth. The fan motor was making some noise, so he sprayed it several times with WD-40!
Those things could be deadly
I had a client who said her keyboard didn't work right. She would try to type, and it would type all the wrong letters. I replaced the keyboard, and then she said that one did the same thing. So I started thinking it was possibly a bad motherboard, but she said that when other people logged on to the network and were using the computer, it worked just fine, but for her, it typed garbage. Now, I know that there is nothing in a login script that will do this, so I asked her
to show me what it was doing. While she was typing, I noticed her lovely sculpted fingernails, which were over an inch and a half long. So of course as she would try to hit one key, her fingernails were hitting the keys above. I recommended that as the office manager, maybe she should delegate typing tasks to her secretary.
It’s raining cats and dogs
Arriving at a private home to fix what was described as the erratic behavior of the family PC, I tried to question the owner as to exactly what was happening. 'Well, the only thing I know for sure,' she said, 'is that every time our dog starts barking at the neighbor’s cat, the computer goes crazy.' It took me a few minutes to shake off the stupid look I must have had on my face and start the troubleshooting. I avoided asking any more questions fearing the answers
would be as strange as that last one. About a half hour into the job, the monitor started flickering and the system hung up. Almost immediately, I heard the barking of a dog and had a hard time coping mentally with what was happening. At this point, the lady entered the room and said, ’Yes, that's what it does.’
I was about to pack it in and for the first time give up when her husband came in and said, 'It's a good thing we have that electric fence or that cat would be a goner by now.' After making some inquiries, I discovered that when the dog spotted the cat, it would run to the edge of the property and activate the electric fence, which was controlled by a transmitter that was very conveniently located on the corner of the desk, beside the computer.
Clean as a whistle
I was working with Gateway at the time of this call. A customer stated that he had followed the previous tech’s (from Geek Squad)suggestion on cleaning his system up prior to formatting his system. He further stated that he felt that this might have made it worse. I asked in which way. He stated he took the box outside, opened it, washed out the dust with the hose, and let it dry. ‘But when I plugged the thing back up,’ he said, ‘nothing happened.’ This is a true story.
Beta or VHS?
I done some work that provided support for a number of different titles, one of which is a CD-ROM multimedia presentation that contains many AVI and video files on how to perform certain tasks. I received a call from a woman who was quite upset and complaining that the videos were not working at all. After a few minutes of gathering some information from her, I asked about her computer system information. The woman replied, ’Oh, my computer isn'tworking right now. I put the disk into my VCR so I could watch the videos.’ This is truly one of the most unusual calls I've received in 11 years of doing technical support.
The Corsican monitors
I got a call from a user who informed me that she and another user had decided to rearrange their office and that after doing so, their PCs no longer worked. I investigated and found that when she turned on her PC, there was nothing on the monitor (it did have power). I asked them if they had disconnected anything during their move and they said no, that they had just moved their desks and then the PCs without disconnecting anything. Their only problem was that when they moved their PCs, they put their monitors on the wrong desks. I didn't see anything on the first monitor because it was connected to the PC on the other desk. When they turned on their PCs at the same time, they thought their computers were working but their keyboards and mice were bad!
At least she’s loyal to her brand
One day, a lady called and wanted me to check her dial-up networking settings. As I talked her through TCP/IP (internet and networking)settings, I asked her to put a checkmark beside Use Default Gateway On Remote Network. “’I can't do that,’ said the lady. “’Yes, ma'am, just put the cursor on the small box next to Use Default Gateway On Remote Network and press the
left mouse button."’I can't do that,’ she replied again. "’Do you see the small box next to Use Default Gateway On Remote Network? “’Yes,’ she said. "’Why can't you select it? "’I don't have a Gateway; I have a Packard Bell,’ she explained.”
Check one, check two…
At my previous job, I was the only support person in a company of 26 or so employees; many days I could barely make it down the hall without someone hailing me to their workstation with a problem or question. One day a particularly high-strung young lady stopped me in my tracks with a frantic plea for help; she'd just flipped it on, but her monitor was blank...pitch-black...nothing whatsoever on the screen. As we walked to her desk, I was treated to way too much information about how far behind she was in her work....the implicit message being "fix it and fix it now". Well, I took a first look and, sure enough, nothing was working on her computer, which puzzled me for half a second. Then I turned the CPU on and gently reminded her that the computer, as well as the monitor, must be turned on each day. Then I walked away as fast as I could so she wouldn't see me busting a gut in laughter. She was the VP of the Bank.
Alphabet soup
I had a call from a user who wanted to clean his keyboard. I applauded his self-reliant nature and told him to just use any standard cleaning solution with a damp rag, and to be sure and dry it thoroughly. Well I guess I am the dumb user because I was not specific enough about what type of cleaner to use. The particular user grabbed the nearest can of brake cleaner and managed to melt his keys together into one big, grotesque, and deformed alphabet palette. He called me back shortly to ask if I had any spare keyboards lying around. I knew right then... something was wrong. He would not admit to anything; I had to find out from his cubicle neighbor. Needless to say it required an e-mail explaining the perils of brake cleaner on plastic.
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